There was a time when I tried smoking–it lasted one night. I woke up with what felt like a burnt mouth and a hangover; it was the first night I drank to excess, too. All I remember was burning through three packs of my parents’ Newports and draining much of their Bacardi.
A short time after that, the bad influence that got me drunk and encouraged me to smoke showed me his tin of Skoal. He took a pinch of the stuff that kind of looked like dirt and nestled it between the lower gum and the side of his mouth; after that he spent a lot of time spitting up what looked like mud. Because I was an impressionable lad, I had me a pinch, too, and I’m happy to report I never picked up the habit of smoking, drinking, and from the first try I never understood what people see in smokeless tobacco.
BURGERSCOOT 
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