BURGER SCOOT

Back in early January of 2023, I had my gallbladder removed; it was done via a laparoscopy: the surgical team made four incisions in my belly: one for a camera (the laparoscope), one for a tube to fill my gut with gas to open the surgical field, and two other incisions. I never asked what they were for, but I assumed the larger one was for the surgeon to cut and remove the offending organ. What followed in the next six or so weeks were multiple visits to a wound nurse’s office trying to close the large incision that wouldn’t heal.

The incision just below my sternum looked like an open, unhappy mouth like Beaker’s from The Muppets, except this Beaker kept oozing out some narcotic tissue from his frowning mouth.

If I weren’t so damn old, fat, and hairy, I would have a tattoo artist add a nose, eyes, and angry eyebrows, but I haven’t shown my bare torso in public in years, so only my poor wife must look at it.

Before the wound finally healed, I would look in the mirror at the hole and wonder what was in there, where the hole stopped, but I never got up the nerve to shine a flashlight in it–I was afraid the hole would start talking to me.

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After I posted: It was suggested to me that I remove my wound pix by my editor (my wife). I compromised and removed the oozing wound pic at the end.